How to rein in a wayward manager, even at breakfast

I was doing it again - eavesdropping. Attempting to enjoy my breakfast of eggs and toast during a recent trip to Riyadh, I overhead an alarming conversation between a manager and his boss that I wish I had not heard.
"I've been doing this for 14 years and seen this movie before. I won't do what they [the corporate managers] are asking. I say this with all due respect," the manager was saying, as if by stating "with all due respect" compensated for his own defiance.
"We'll just listen to what they have to say and then go on doing what we were before. They don't understand what we are doing."
Wow.
At first I wanted to jump in and engage in their conversation. But I thought one social faux pas - eavesdropping, doesn't beget another. However, while I adopted some good manners and kept quiet, I also continued to listen.
Two different thoughts were going through my mind at the same time. Firstly, how self-unaware this manager was when he spoke to his boss. Earlier in their breakfast, he had put the boss down. Then he continued his elevated stance by exhibiting a defiant attitude, bordering on insubordination.
As I listened, it made me wonder what the boss was thinking and what he was going to do.
This leads to the second thought going through my mind - the one I will address here. What do you do when one of your managers exhibits an inappropriate attitude?
Unfortunately, there is not a merry ending to that breakfast conversation with the boss jumping in and exhibiting role model leadership. Rather, he started getting quieter and quieter responding with a scattered "oh" and "I see".
At least he didn't berate this manager and tear him apart, but his decision to basically ignore what was said was almost as bad.
The boss' silence may have sent a message of agreement to what the manager was saying. That silence could strengthen his defiance.
Since, silence is not what leaders should do, let's see what he could have done instead.
Let's keep this comment in context; it was simply a conversation over breakfast. Instead of becoming combative or lecturing him, the boss should have asking probing questions to understand "why?" the manager held such opinions.
Perhaps there was a substantive basis to his thoughts. The boss could use this conversation to dig deeper and potentially discover from the front lines what should be considered in the planning process.
It is a good chance for first-hand fact finding. Too often we miss the opportunities to understand someone else's perspective and, in doing so, miss the greater effect that we can have. It is all too easy to jump to conclusions about what is being said.
Asking a simple question like, "I'd like to understand why you think that way? Please share with me what is behind your comment," would open up the conversation so the boss could understand his perspective.
Keep in mind that spending time understanding does not mean that you agree with his opinion. However, it is a key component in being able to redirect him to focus on what is important.
Once the boss understood why the manager felt as he did, he could then open up and share his and the organisation's perspective. It is highly likely that the manager is misinformed and acting with limited information. The boss has the responsibility to make sure that the manager understands the "why" behind the plans. A casual setting, like a breakfast, is a great place to do this.
The work of the leader is to make sure that the right work is being done at the right time and in the right way. And that only the "right work", and no other work, is being done, rather than tolerating misaligned work happening.
It is important in such situations to jump in and open up the conversation to turn "I won't do it" into "I should do it".
Tommy Weir is a leadership adviser, author of 10 Tips for Leading in the Middle East and other leadership writings and is the founder of the Emerging Markets Leadership Center