Fashionable seat-belt concept may be as inspired as it is absurd

Nick Halloway

• Last Updated: September 03. 2009 5:39PM UAE / September 3. 2009 1:39PM GMT

I once saw a packet of peanuts that had a warning on the side that read: “Warning – contains nuts”. At first I thought it was a marketing joke, but a lawyer friend assured me that because we live in increasingly litigious times (coupled with a population explosion of morons), not doing so was a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Some nut-allergic buffoon would mistake it for, I don’t know, a leg of roast chicken, and then assume there were no nuts inside, go into anaphylactic shock and then sue the company because they weren’t warned. The UAE equivalent of “Warning – contains nuts” has just arrived.

After Ramadan, the Fashionable Seatbelt Campaign will be launched because, according to the Emirates Foundation for Philanthropy, young people don’t wear seat belts due to peer pressure and because it’s not cool. So to combat this, Maytha al Habsi, the director of the public awareness programmes at the EFP, has said: “Young people like fashion in general so many people would love a Gucci seat belt.”

Yes, it seems that the UAE is to have designer seat belts because that’s the only way people will use them.

It’s a shocking thought that young people don’t wear a belt, but would do so if it had a designer brand on it, or a UAE flag, or the name of their football team. Figures by the Health Authority-Abu Dhabi revealed that only 11 per cent of Emiratis and 44 per cent of expatriates currently wear seat belts, which raises the question – are there really people out there so vain that they will only wear a life-saving device if it has been commercially branded?

Out of the 244,927 road violations recorded last year, more than half were due to speeding. So the radars are working then, but you don’t need stats to know that. What isn’t working is the message that wearing a belt is necessary. But the EFP believes it can change this by tapping into the vanity of people in this country.

It’s a strange UAE phenomenon. You can take a mundane, perfunctory object, slap a designer label on it, hike the price up and people can’t get enough of it. Just look at the success of designer bottled water. We laughed when bottles of Jean Paul Gautier Evian were released, but the only one laughing (all the way to the bank, I presume) is Jean Paul himself, as it’s been a huge success in this country.

If the EFP’s thinking is correct then once this scheme is in place, there will be instances of people thinking, “Look, she is wearing her seat belt! I must un-friend her on Facebook… oh wait, it’s a Gucci seat belt. That’s okay, for a minute there I thought she was just using basic common sense and trying to prevent a horrific accident.”

Part of me thinks we shouldn’t bother as this is a Darwinian process that can help thin out the herd; kill the stupid and those who have taken vanity to ridiculous levels and leave the gene pool stronger for future generations.

The truth, however, is that it’s not only the non-seat belt wearers who are being affected. If you are involved in a crash when someone dies – even if it’s not your fault – it’s something you have to live with for the rest of your life. Figures in the US show that almost two-thirds of people who die in car crashes are not wearing a seat belt – and their selfish stupidity is causing untold misery for innocent road users.

If this scheme gets people wearing seat belts, then Maytha al Habsi’s plan is as inspired as it is absurd, and some kind of award is in order. And if this really does work, then can I suggest getting Armani to plaster their logo over the indicator controls, because if that’s all it takes to get people to use them then I’ll call the head office in Milan myself.

Prada can announce that commonsense parking is the new black, and Dolce & Gabbana can launch a range of T-shirts with the slogan: “Tailgaters – Ewww! Gross!”

In fact, if it only takes a high-end fashion label to get young people to stop behaving like idiots on the road, then I know a guy down in Karama who can sort us out with a load of gear for next to nothing. Yes, they’re fakes but don’t worry, the kids will never notice the difference – they’re currently too busy flying though windshields while texting their mates.

motoring@thenational.ae