My colleague is arrogant and assumes his way is best. He dominates in meetings, is cocky in the office and struts around as if he owns the place. Do I accept his personality and get on with it or find a way to bring him down a peg or two? HG, Abu Dhabi
There you are, working your heart out at the office, humbly doing your best to further your company goals while competing with an arrogant co-worker who appears too big for his boots, often stepping on your toes.
These types of character are common in the modern workplace and can be frustrating to work alongside. This type of behaviour becomes especially visible in challenging economic times where workers are competing to stay in favour, with many doing so through blatant self-promotion. The term narcissism is often used to describe a dominant personality of this nature.
The narcissist will do anything to make themselves look better while having little awareness of their effect on others. While everyone at work may look up to the narcissist initially, the end result is the office show-off that you see in front of you today.
Unfortunately, the same term is bounced around a lot in organisations and it can potentially be damaging to those unfairly labelled. Understanding the personality characteristics associated with narcissism can help those on the receiving end find more appropriate strategies to manage difficult colleagues.
Firstly, you must avoid fighting fire with fire by trying to bring him down a peg or two; individuals (narcissist or not) will take this as a direct personal threat and respond with further arrogance or even aggression. Taking on a narcissist head-on is not advised. Neither is reprimanding their behaviour in front of those they seek to impress – it is like walking into the lion’s den. Instead, you will have to navigate this situation with more skill and style.
The first thing you must do is to realise that their behaviour is not personal; it’s always about them. They are not targeting you per se, you are just on the receiving end of their obnoxious behaviour. Reacting poorly to a person’s arrogance won’t change it. In fact, if your colleague figures out how to push your buttons, you’ve already handed over some of your power. You need to manage your own response and instead of reacting, strive to understand why this person gets to you so much, which can help you refocus your energy.
The best way to manage the situation is by minimising the impact of these people through sidelining them, isolating their effect on specific work situations (for example only interacting in meetings and not outside that).
If you employ the above and your colleague’s negative presence continues, then you may need strong leadership support. Make sure your boss knows what’s going on – it is their job to help you deal with this situation. That also means you need to document any activities that could have a detrimental effect on you or others. Make sure you are recording incidents as they occur. That way, if you need to refer back to them later you have the facts and can avoid any fictitious tales that your colleague may try to spin.
If you have tried both suggestions and are still feeling frustrated, then try a strategy that has always worked for me; when someone has an inflated ego they will thrive on arguing to prove themselves right or seek attention when they are ignored. Instead of fighting or avoiding them, my go-to strategy with colleagues, clients or tough people in general is to dismiss their conflict with kindness. If they’re trying to push their opinion on you, just smile and nod along, because if they don’t have to do any convincing they’ll most likely wrap it up and get back to work. You may even find that their inflated sense of self-importance is directed elsewhere.
Doctor’s prescription:
The office narcissist can be an extremely complex creature to work with. Although their arrogance and cockiness can be spotted a mile away, managing this effectively requires real sophistication and skill. Isolating the effect of his behaviour, gaining influential support and reacting to him with kindness rather than resistance are all tried and tested tactics to help bring him over to your side.
Alex Davda is a business psychologist and client director at Ashridge Executive Education, Hult International Business School, and is based in the Middle East. Email him at business@thenational.ae for advice on any work issues.
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