A recent plea by the Sharjah Marriage Fund for restraint in the cost of weddings has highlighted just how much some Emirati families are prepared to spend on the big day. But that trend may be changing, report Mitya Underwood and Bushra Al Hashemi
"There was one wedding where the bride wanted to come down on ropes," laughs the Emirati wedding planner Omar Al Mulla.
"And in another, the family wanted all the best decoration and table arrangements so they spent Dh4.5 million. Families want everything in weddings."
But with bills sometimes running into millions of dirhams, it is clear that "everything" doesn't come cheap.
This week the Sharjah Wedding Fund appealed to couples in the emirate to rein in their spending to avoid starting married life burdened with debt.
The fund wants to cut the number of Dh70,000 loans it issues, many of which go to Emiratis who earn only Dh20,000 a month.
"Of course there are people that will spend everything and there are other people that will spend less," Mr Al Mulla says. "I deal with more normal people."
The costs of the weddings are usually dictated by the families, he says, with couples having very little say about how much they can spend. Traditional elements also continue to put pressure on both families to dig deep.
The bride's dowry usually costs between Dh100,000 and Dh200,000, depending on the families.
Traditionally this includes a zehba - a collection of everyday items such as clothing, shoes, underwear, shirts, abayas, handbags and toiletries - but nowadays brides prefer to get the money and do her own shopping.
Families usually work together to agree on the dowry but sometimes a match can fall apart if they fail. Friends may be called in to discuss the nitty-gritty details so no one in the family loses face.
Less traditional elements pushing up the bill include Arab singers, although as the price of a two-hour show runs to Dh550,000, they are usually only found at weddings in the wealthiest families.
"Only the rich people get these," Mr Al Mulla says. "This is a new thing, not traditional, but it is popular with many people."
Mariam Al Muhairbi, a young Emirati in Abu Dhabi, thinks some wedding price tags are unjustifiably high and the true meaning of marriage is at risk of being forgotten.
"I don't think this is good. What's the point?" Ms Al Muhairbi asks. "Weddings have become more of a show and I recommend the simpler weddings.
"We've noticed that in simpler weddings there is more happiness in the marriage and whenever they are too extravagant, they can divorce soon after the wedding.
"And now divorce has increased because of fewer blessings. The Prophet Mohammed said the best of marriage is the simplest."
Ms Al Muhairbi says that when two of her male cousins were married, their brides were each given Dh200,000 in cash from the grooms' family. Dh20,000 was for the dowry and the rest to fund a new wardrobe, perfumes, accessories and beauty products.
The cousins, who married sisters, held their wedding on the same night to try to bring down other costs. This is encouraged by the Government to help ease the burden on some families.
"We did the wedding at the InterContinental Hotel because the ballroom in another hotel was Dh70,000 just for the space, and the staff who serve drinks, sweets and medkam - the Arabic perfume - would cost an additional Dh70,000," Ms Al Muhairbi says.
The Sharjah fund, which is urging couples to show restraint when planning their wedding, says it has organised 10 mass weddings this year, with another 60 couples to be married before Ramadan.
Last year Dubai Courts honoured an Emirati couple who paid for the cost of raising two orphans as a dowry, and another couple was honoured for having a token Dh1 dowry.
Most weddings feature a stage on which the bride sits. Big-budget affairs may also include a catwalk for her to show off her dress.
Then there is the bill for decorations, which often hundreds of thousands of dirhams because of expensive touches like imported flowers.
And as more weddings, particularly in Abu Dhabi and Dubai, are held in hotels rather than private homes, more money is spent on food and staff. Many hotels also have minimum requirement on guest numbers, running into the hundreds.
The costs are, of course, lower in other parts of the country. In Ras Al Khaimah, wedding halls can charge from Dh54,000 for 700 guests.
Even so, wedding costs in the Northern Emirates have also increased as Emirati weddings grow to incorporate other traditions.
Moroccan sweets and chocolate cake are served with the traditional dessert of Omani halwa, while a white European wedding dress is expected to accompany the traditional gold jewellery.
Even at traditional weddings high in the mountains, baked lobster may served alongside biryani cooked in open pits.
Contemporary Emirati weddings reflect a taste for the cosmopolitan and the luxurious.
Basma Al Fahim, the founder of Eventra Events, says over the past five years or so the costs of weddings in Abu Dhabi has been dropping, albeit from a higher cost initially.
"In the past, maybe seven years ago, people would have weddings in Abu Dhabi that would cost around Dh1 million," says the Emirati businesswoman. "About three years ago it went down to between Dh700,000 and Dh500,000.
"I've noticed prices are very different depending on where people are. It's different between Abu Dhabi and Dubai and Sharjah, for example."
The tradition of inviting hundreds of people, some of whom have never met the bride or groom, is also slowly eroding, Ms Al Fahim says, as couples try to reduce the costs.
"In general, people are more price conscious and they are starting not to want to invite people that they don't really know," she says.
"In general, everybody doesn't want to spend so much on weddings. As an individual I think it's a good thing, even though it is less work for my business."
One of the complaints from Emiratis is the lack of large, affordable centres in which they can hold their ceremonies.
Mariam, who is in her mid 20s, was married last month in a lavish ceremony that cost a little more than Dh400,000.
"The problem is from the hotels," Mariam says. "We found that the minimum number of guests was 400 and that makes it expensive.
She says one of the few venues on Abu Dhabi Island is Al Mushrif ballroom, which is supported by the Government.
"I was given a budget by my husband and I stuck to it," Mariam says. "I think it is nonsense that anybody would try to take money from banks and add it to a budget.
"We need more large wedding tents so people don't have to drive outside of Abu Dhabi to hotels, or be in expensive hotels. The extravagance is only for one night.
"There is a saying that someone should only stretch their legs as far as the blankets will cover them, not further. This applies here."
* Additional reporting by Anna Zacharias
