Summer in the UAE. Scorching temperatures. Air conditioning at full blast. Marathon sessions of Game of Thrones. Whinging Facebook statuses. And, above all, a desire -no, an Olympian determination - to accomplish as little as possible between June and September.
Inactivity reigns.
That Ramadan, this year, has landed almost right in the middle of the summer will certainly not help matters; fasting and workplace efficiency have never been good business partners. Indeed, many movie fans suspect the decision to delay the UAE release of the summer's most eagerly anticipated film, The Dark Knight Rises, is hugely influenced by the fact that profits would have taken a hit because of fasting hours.
But wait, it gets worse.
A recent report by the US web security firm Blue Coat Systems predicts that media streaming of the London Olympics by employees will result in wasted bandwidth, decline in employee productivity, lost revenue and increased IT staffing levels across the Middle East.
"Using workplace computers or mobile devices, employees will be watching live video of their favourite sport competitions and playbacks of the events they missed," said Dave Ewart, a director at Blue Coat Systems. "This will lead to lower network utilisation, misallocation of budget and capacity, slow or unresponsive applications and - importantly - end-user performance complaints". This is technospeak for "nothing will work".
Workplace productivity, already battered by the unbearable heat, shorter working hours and hunger-induced lethargy, is about to be dealt a devastating knockout blow, we're told, by our sudden uncontrollable urge to watch field hockey, synchronised swimming and beach volleyball.
It is a kind thought, if a little misguided. Experts assume that without the Olympics to distract us, we would somehow be a model of efficiency during the summer months, as if Facebook, Twitter and TextfromDog didn't exist.
Meanwhile Ramadan, meant to be a time of reflection, giving and tolerance, is increasingly becoming just an excuse for many to abandon all social decorum. Careless, irresponsible driving. General crankiness and obnoxiousness. Embarrassing, gluttonous behaviour at five star buffets. Just blame it on fasting.
But expect laziness to win the day. In fact, if laziness were an Olympic sport, we'd all be gold medal favourites. Except we'd probably fail to show up.
Gulf countries continue to excel in the most undesirable of categories. In a resent study compiled from 122 countries, Brazilian researcher Pedro C Hallal, from the Universidade Federal de Pelotas, ranked Saudi Arabia as the second least active country in the world, behind only those magnificently indolent Maltans. The UAE in ninth place and Kuwait in seventh managed to squeeze, presumably with difficulty, into the top 10.
These results, however, do reveal an uncomfortable, but self-evident, truth: there is a direct correlation between inactivity and high income (Spain, Italy, the UK, Japan and Turkey are all in the top 15).
According to the World Health Organization, a lack of exercise and unhealthy diets mean that more than one in five adults in the UAE have diabetes, the second highest rate in the world and more than double the rate seen in developing countries. It is a rate the International Diabetes Federation predicts will increase to one in three by 2025.
Meanwhile, in Qatar - the so-called "obesity capital of the world" - over half the population is overweight. Other Gulf states are not far behind.
It's a grim trend, and heading in only one direction. In the 2008 animated sci-fi comedy Wall-E, humanity, or what remained of it, had become morbidly obese after centuries of relying on robots to carry out everyday tasks. Audiences, munching on oversized popcorn buckets and fizzy drinks, lapped it up.
The joke is well and truly on us.
On Twitter: @AliKhaled_
