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The best and absolute worst of famous facial hair

We look at the best and absolute worst of famous facial hair throughout history.

The artist Salvadore Dali and his signature handlebar moustache.
The artist Salvadore Dali and his signature handlebar moustache.

It may be for a good cause, but from a fashion point of view, Movember does not work. The month of moustache-growing is meant to raise awareness as well as funds for men's health issues, but unfortunately it makes men look like they are not worth saving.

Mutton chops, handlebar moustaches, furry faces, peach fuzz, goatees, van dykes (connecting the moustache to the chin hair): the month brings out the worst in men. Looking ridiculous 30 days out of 365 I might accept, but the problem is that men who should not sport facial hair are often doing so for the other 11 months of the year as well.

A moustache or any other personal, hairy interpretation should reflect the man behind the hair. It should represent a character trait or shed light on the man sporting it. Instead, most experiments become nothing more than yet another example of men's laziness. In honour of Movember, here are the best and worst facial-hair looks throughout history:

The best

10 - Tom Selleck

Basic, straightforward and the quintessential 'stache. Does what all facial hair should do: makes the man look better.

9 - Rollie Fingers

This one could have fallen on the top 10 worst list, but the reason it's here is because of the dedication Rollie put into maintaining it. This is a handlebar moustache with flair and lots of wax. It is not for everyone, but it worked when Rollie was pitching for the Oakland Athletics and the San Diego Padres.

8 - Albus Dumbledore

The only man who for my money is allowed to have a long beard. He carries it as though it is an extension of himself, which, of course, it is. And that ring he wears that keeps it neat and gathered, well, he makes it magical.

7 - National Hockey 7 playoff beards

Collectively, these beards represent all that is great about team sports.

6 - Salvador Dali

Only Dali could have worn his Dali's moustache. It would look out of place on the rest of us.

5 - Abraham Lincoln

OK, it looked pretty bad, but he is one of those men whom you just can't imagine without a beard.

4 - Merv Hughes

This famous moustache may not be something that I would want to sport, but any man - Australian cricketer or not - who insures his facial hair for £200,000 (Dh1.18m) deserves some kind of mention.

3 - Amitabh Bachchan

All men should aspire to be as elegant and put together as the Big B. It looks like it belongs on him.

2 - Sonny Crockett (Don Johnson's character from Miami Vice)

The permanent stubble. Today it means you're lazy, in the 1980s it meant you watched Miami Vice.

1 - Santa Claus

The man, the myth, the hairy legend! Perhaps no other facial hair is more identifiable than St Nick's.

The worst:

10 - Jerry Garcia

Too full and messy. Looked like a bush with a hole in the middle, which sounds like the title of a Grateful Dead song.

9 - Ernesto 'Che' Guevara

Kind of embarrassing that one of the 20th century's best-known revolutionary figures could not grow a proper beard. His look inspires other follicly challenged men to think it's OK to grow a sparse outcropping of facial hair. I'm here to tell you it's not.

8 - Ho Chi Minh

Almost as poorly trimmed as the Ho Chi Minh trail would have been in 1962.

7 - Confucius

The man might have been smart, but when it came to maintaining his moustache he was no genius. Too long, too thin, too wispy.

6 - Gerhard Knapp

The former beard world champion is as proud of the hair on his face as a bald man would be of whatever hair might miraculously grow on the top of his head. Despite the achievement, this is one (or is it two or three or four?) obtrusive moustache.

5 - Ted Turner

It looks like a dried out, dead caterpillar that has yet to fall off the media mogul's upper lip.

4 - Bob Marley

The man had soul, but his beard lacked heart. He grew it not on his face but below his chin line.

3 - Craig Stadler

He wasn't called the Walrus for nothing. In his prime while on the PGA Tour in the early 1980s, he had the physical build and whiskers of a walrus.

2 - The Bearded Lady

Facial hair on a woman is not a good look. Frida Kahlo might have disagreed. The Guinness World Record for the longest beard by a woman is 28cm. Which means that is 28cm too long.

1 - Adolf Hitler

The moustache should have been the first indicator things would not go well. The toothbrush, as it is called, is small and insignificant, just like the man.

 

Michael Jabri-Pickett is the news editor at The National