x Abu Dhabi, UAEWednesday 26 July 2017

It came out in the wash

So, which Poland-England match did you prefer: the washout or the damp squib?

Polish fans wear aquatic equipment before the match against England.
Polish fans wear aquatic equipment before the match against England.

So, which Poland-England match did you prefer: the washout or the damp squib? I have to be honest and say that Tuesday night's rained-off debacle provided me with more entertainment than any England match for a long time.

If you cannot enjoy the Kafkaesque brilliance of a stadium with a roof that cannot be closed when it starts raining, then I would suggest you are dead inside.

Likewise, if you cannot enjoy the discomfort of a TV commentary team desperately padding for time for over an hour, then you are more charitable soul than I.

However, even if you accept the engineering difficulties involved - and I do understand that sealing a stadium is more complex than popping open the sunroof on a Ford Ka - the fact that nobody at the Polish FA, Uefa or Fifa appeared to have checked the weather forecast is simply hilarious.

Or perhaps they did check it, which is even better.

One can imagine Sepp Blatter, the Fifa president, emerging from some bunker, commanding the dark clouds to part. It may well be that Blatter's view of "rooftop technology" mirrored his view of goal-line technology, in that it took him rather longer than everyone else to cotton on.

I think we can all look forward to another missive from him on this issue: "Following the events in Warsaw, the football family can announce it will start early, exploratory and non-binding investigations into a new theory from the ever-changing world of meteorology. Namely, that if it is pitch black at 3pm and you see ducks running for cover, it might be a good idea to close the roof. Oh yes, and get your washing in."

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