I have always been a working mother and for the first four years of my son's life, I always felt incredibly guilty for wanting a career. What added to this feeling was that none of the other mothers of the children at his nursery worked.
Working meant I missed out on all the breakfasts, coffee mornings and parent-teacher meetings. I was always late to the recitals, or simply didn’t make them at all because I was on a work trip.
I never was the kind of person who cared what other people thought of me. However, when I became a mother and was juggling the house, my job and, most importantly, my son, I felt left out. I felt that all the other mothers were giving their children so much more than I was. My friends were all single and starting their careers and planning spontaneous fun trips. I don’t blame them for not understanding what I felt. I felt secluded and alone.
I was 25 and pregnant again in the midst of this madness. My mother was an incredible support to me. She stayed home most of the week with my eldest, helping my husband, who always had my back as well. But to me that was not enough.
My son was healthy and happy, yet I felt I was not giving him enough, constantly comparing myself to the stay-at-home mums. That was until I had a one-to-one conversation with my son’s lovely nursery teacher who had just moved to Dubai and had been a teacher for more than 14 years in her home country. It was at a parent-teacher meeting, and my husband and I were up next. As we walked into the classroom she got up and hugged me, and right away announced what a lovely little gentleman we had raised. She went on about how he is kind and considerate towards other children.
Instantly I welled up and before I knew it, I had broken down in tears. I could see from the look on her face that she knew why I felt this way. She told me that my son was always the first to finish dressing into and out of his swimming clothes, and that he needed no help buttoning his shirt “because he is independent, thanks to your career”. She was right, he was an independent boy.
Today, at the age of 13, he and his sister are our best friends. We are a functioning team at home, at least most of the time.
My advice to other mothers is not to be hard on yourselves and always remember that our children are a reflection of us.
Abeer Al Tamimi is the founder and owner of Kids HQ in Dubai.
