x Abu Dhabi, UAESunday 23 July 2017

Kanye West: the 140-carat star

From Persian rugs and Lanvin tracksuits to antique fish tanks and font wars, welcome to the wonderful online world of Kanye West.

Kanye West has caused a few pubic relations hiccups with his Twitter account.
Kanye West has caused a few pubic relations hiccups with his Twitter account.

Despite supposed endless practical uses, it is common knowledge that the main purpose of the social-messaging service Twitter is that of a canvas at which celebrity types can toss their thoughts to be digested, analysed and, er, considered by fans, fellow celebrities and journalists.

Not known as a shy and retiring type, Mr West is Twitter's perfect ambassador, a man happy to announce his every deliberation to the world without the internal filtration process usually considered appropriate. Despite having only signed up in July this year, Kanye has quickly become the star of the show, his prolific tweeting skills matched only by the calibre of his comments.

Endless posts detailing the trials and tribulations of a man with pots of cash seem to serve only to stir up green-eyed monsters and scorn. But then, just as you turn to scoff, Kanye has done it for you already, re-tweeting the numerous posts that aim to satirise his previous comments.

Is it post-modern, self-reflexive, Charlie Kaufman-esque genius or simply an ego left to roam free without a publicist permanently on hand to make the necessary edits? Nobody is sure, but one thing is clear to his one million (and growing) followers: Kanye West's Twitter account could be the most important thing on the internet right now. Either that, or the funniest.

The words of West, in 140-characters or less:

I think Twitter was designed specifically with me in mind just my humble opinion hahhhahaaaahaaa humble hahahahhahaahaaaa. July 28

On the very first day of his Twitter odyssey, Kanye realises exactly what the rest of the world will soon be discovering.

 

I jog in Lanvin. July 28

It may be the first, but it's by no means the last time Kanye shares his love for this high-end (and high-priced, obviously) fashion label.

 

Dating models I had to learn to like small dogs and cigarettes. July 29

And they no doubt had to learn to nod and smile, Kanye.

 

I specifically ordered persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh. July 29

Our personal favourite. Whether he's being serious or satirical, it's absolute gold.

 

I love everybody… only thing I don't like is taxes.. me and taxes gone fight. July 31

The Tea Party is given an unlikely new spokesman.

 

I don't understand why they have a do not disturb button on the plane when they keep waking you asking if you want juice. August 3

Nightmare Kanye, nightmare.

 

Tell everyone at the label to either use Gothic or Helvetica fonts for email blasts unless I otherwise approve. August 4

Ever the perfectionist, Kanye strikes another blow against Comic Sans.

 

Balenciaga say I can get no discount, but what they fail to remember is… I don't need no discount!!! Hahahaaa. August 7

Take that, high-end fashion house, Kanye can and will pay full price for your goods!

 

Do you know where to find marble conference tables? I'm looking to have a conference... not until I get the table though. August 28

Because mahogany just won't do.

 

These tweets have no manager, no publicist , no grammar checking... this is raw. September 4

And your public relations team has had several nervous breakdowns.

 

I am not a bad person. Even in that moment I was only trying to do good but people don't always need my help. September 4

A year on from his infamous crashing of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Video Awards, Kanye reflects on his actions, part of approximately 50 billion tweets on the subject he sent that day.

 

I always misspell genius SMH (shake my head)! The irony! November 3

And we always misspell narcissist.

 

We're all works in progress ... we're paintings... the oil don't dry till we die. September 16

One of Kanye's many "deep" tweets.

 

Ninjas are kind of cool ... I just don't know any personally. September 23

Or they're just so good at being ninjas that you haven't found them out.

 

I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle. October 16

Anyone who thought jet-setting was easy, think again.

 

Man... whatever happened to my antique fish tank? September 9

It probably got lost under a load of Lanvin and Balenciaga bags.