Lust & Wonder: A Memoir
Augusten Burroughs
(St. Martin’s Press)
Dh58
Augusten Burroughs's trademark sarcasm and neurosis elicit giggles from the first page of Lust & Wonder.
He is a walking contradiction: self-deprecating yet condescending, at once vapid and smart, judgemental and forgiving. His complexity and acceptance of his flaws endear him to readers.
But this book is not only a gathering of clever observations – it is also, ultimately, a story about finding love when it is right under your nose.
The book’s structure is a bit confusing. It is not a collection of essays and there are no chapters to break up the narrative. It is a memoir that begins with his binge-drinking days in the 1990s and skips ahead to his most recent relationships. It is not difficult to follow – but sometimes leaves the reader wondering where it’s going.
Although he is a gifted storyteller, there is an inescapable darkness to Burroughs’ prose. His depiction of depression and anxiety is achingly real, particularly the sense of dread and paralysing lethargy that sometimes keep him isolated at home. He remembers obsessively watching shopping channel QVC, buying things he didn’t need and finding kinship with the late-night hosts and callers.
In Burroughs’ previous books, he has written about how a difficult childhood led to years of struggle with alcohol addiction. In this memoir, his evolution from disillusioned advertising copywriter to sober published author is inspired by his own creative energy and commitment to writing.
One day, the need to write prevailed. A week later, he produced a draft of his first novel – a spoof of QVC. New purpose emerged.
He writes: “The things that happened while I sat in the bluish glow of my computer screen made me feel something harsh and addictive: alive.”
Burroughs makes it clear that finding the right person to love doesn't cure all life's ills. For much of his life, he felt numb, either from self-medicating or stifling his feelings. Perhaps Lust & Wonder is how he translates what it feels like to fully access both his heart and mind at last. Seeing him grow and gain the courage to make better choices is a moving experience.
