Back on track: 8 New Year’s resolutions for Kim Kardashian West

With all that happened to Kim Kardashian in 2016, we propose some New Year’s resolutions to get her back on track.

2016 was a rough year for everyone including Kim Kardashian West. Lionel Cironneau / AP photo
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Love her or hate her, there’s no denying that Kim Kardashian West has grappled with a tumultuous past few months, including being robbed at gunpoint in Paris in October and dealing with divorce rumours surrounding her marriage with rapper Kanye West, who was hospitalised earlier this month due to “temporary psychosis.”

The reality television star is likely welcoming 2017 with the prospect of a fresh start. She is set to make her first public appearance of the new year in Dubai. Joined by celebrity make-up artist Mario Dedivanovic, the 36-year-old star of the reality series Keeping up with the Kardashians will conduct a fashion masterclass on January 13 at The Music Hall at the Jumeirah Zabeel Saray hotel.

With all that happened to her in 2016, we propose some New Year’s resolutions to get her back on track.

1. Think before posting, and indulge in a digital detox

We know, we know, Kim. What’s the point of a sultry selfie if it can’t go on Instagram, for all of the world to see? Since the Paris robbery, Kim has refrained from cluttering the Instagram feeds of her followers, and while we welcome the occasional Snap or Gram, we hope that social media feeds of 2017 will be a lot less laden with the Kardashian’s infamous “assets.” Besides, the endless edits and filters must get tiresome.

2. Opt for sporty separates and rid your wardrobe of Balmain

Balmain’s creative director, Olivier Rousteing, may be a close friend of Kardashian, but we’d much rather see her running her day-to-day errands in a hoodie and joggers than in a body-clinging lace-up dress. In the middle of the day, the television star is far too often clad in the French label’s ultra sheer and figure-hugging ensembles, which leave little to the imagination.

3. Ditch the thigh-high boots — especially toeless ones

To say that Kardashian is fond of over-the-knee boots would be an understatement. Whether they’re black suede, checkered leather or distressed denim, the leggy star frequently dons thigh-high footwear, which appear more painful than attractive. Some, like the completely clear plastic thigh-high boots in her wardrobe, are just plain pointless. Let your legs breathe Kim, and trade these in for some ankle boots or comfortable trainers — like the black Vans you’ve started sporting recently.

4. Adopt a new beauty mantra: make-up-free is the new contouring

Celebrities like Alicia Keys are spearheading a make-up-free movement, and what with all of the treatments and procedures that Kardashian has undergone in order to emulate (un)natural beauty, we’re confident that she’s an ideal contender for the trend. Wouldn’t it be a relief to skip the hours-long morning make-up ritual? Plus, contouring is so 2016.

5. Don’t mistake a T-shirt for a dress in an attempt to look effortless

Blessed with legs, she certainly is, but Kardashian tends to sometimes mistake T-shirts for dresses. Now, girls with certain figures that are shorter and less curvy can occasionally pull off this look without it being obvious that the garment is in fact a T-shirt. But Kim, we all know you made the conscious decision to keep the trousers at home.

6. Reel in the back arch — especially when posing for photos

Whether she’s cranking up the dance floor at a nightclub or lounging on a patio at a pool party pants-less, the mother-of-two has a tendency to drastically push her back inward, creating a predatorily unnatural arch in her back that so many naive fans are unfortunately replicating. Stand straight, Kim.

7. New year calls for new hair — even if it’s platinum blonde

When Kardashian debuted blonde locks back in February, she caused a fair bit of internet stir — including a host of images likening her new 'do to that of Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series. Though in this instance, the blonde hair was simply a wig, we encourage her to continue her hair experiments, lest she revert permanently to the pin-straight brunette look weighted down by extensions. The double dutch braided hairstyle she often sports, for instance, looks great. Keep up the hair changes, Kim, as long as you don't pull a Britney Spears circa 2007 shaved head — but sheer vanity would probably prevent that from ever happening.

8. Boycott wretched waist trainers once and for all

With close to 100 million followers on Instagram alone, Kardashian’s fans adore her and some take extreme measures to emulate her — hourglass body shape included. With the whole Kardashian clan having endorsed dangerous waist-trainer contraptions, young women around the world have bought their own corsets online. Unfortunately, side-effects include rib-bruising, acid reflux and breathing difficulty. Being in the spotlight carries weighty responsibility — it would be far more beneficial to preach body diversity and confidence no matter one’s shape or size.

hlodi@thenational.ae