The Human Regenerator: a regenerating experience?

I have been mildly obsessed with the Human Regenerator since spotting it on a Dh750 Cobone coupon for a half-day at Dubai's Talise Spa last summer. A quick Google was all it took to sell me on 30 minutes exposure to such a rare and expensive contraption, one that sounded both promising and ridiculous at the same time. I didn't care what it did - I just wanted to get inside one.

My attempts to redeem the coupon during Ramadan were rebuffed, however, and it was only when I called again last week that I learned the machine was finally functional. Talise is a sprawling spa featuring massive treatment rooms, and the one housing the Human Regenerator is no different.

Upon entering, the large white, open-faced oval - the pink light emanating from its interior enhanced by the darkness of the room - was a sight to behold. The staffer assigned to guide my experience explained that vibration would enter my body's cells and "remove negative energy". He said I might feel tired, maybe "heavy" afterwards, but better overall.

As I stood inside, my back on a bed of white leather, he used a remote control to adjust the cushion beneath my knees. I was the one to press a button that would send it gently tilting backwards. "Just try to breathe deeply and relax", the staffer advised once I was horizontal.

Then he left me alone with the Human Regenerator, which made not a sound until a woman's voice wished me a good day when I was upright again.

Cleared of negative energy? Relaxed? Sure, but a half-hour listening to soft music in a dimly lit room far from one's mobile will do that.

As much as I like saying the name, I am not sure Dh400 worth of the Human Regenerator is entirely necessary to achieve the same effect.