Oh, fashion - is it any wonder we are laughed at? Take the Autumn/Winter 2011-2012 show reports, which, despite being the driving force behind a multi-billion dirham industry, are throwing out a few memorable trends. Let's start with languid romance, or grown-up bling (I hadn't known it was in its infancy) and my favourite of the day - iridescent water nymphs. Why, of course, I can't think of anything I'd like to recreate more.
But ridiculous as they are, like minions we will follow. Which is where we all seem to flounder. The trick is to make a clear divide between a real trend and a phony, and more importantly, what will work for you. As with everything, we need to pick and choose, tiptoe through the trends - rather than swallow the thing whole.
And what a season it has been, leaving us full of unanswered questions. Who will take the reigns at Dior now that Galliano has been fired? If it is Marc Jacobs, then who will take over Louis Vuitton - or can he juggle all three labels? McQueen, again got rave reviews - is there a possibility Sarah Burton will take over at Dior? Will Raf Simons go to YSL or is Stefano Pilati going to stay? And then, of course, come the clothes.
Let's start with peplums, which most of us will know from period costume - a kind of ruffle attached at the waistline of a jacket, blouse or dress, seen at Marc Jacobs, Jason Wu and Vera Wang. They sound rather more frightening than they are and give a surprisingly good silhouette without much of an effort. Mesh knits are another firm favourite, as seen at Alexander Wang and Derek Lam, which you can try wearing with a pop of colour underneath for added effect.
Orange is undoubtedly the colour choice of the season, having completely commanded the catwalks at BCBG Max Azria, Derek Lam and Jil Stuart, as is the fantastically named mullet dress - an asymmetric (as one can only imagine) silhouette that will work wonders on the legs. Pastels are here to stay with sugary shades in equally sugary fabrics seen at Phillip Lim and Preen. There was a definite nod to the 1920s as the catwalks showed flapper-inspired pieces and the return of femininity, and in terms of print, we saw either rich tribal prints or floral blooms - both of which simply had to be bold.
So with all this ammunition I assume you are suitably armed. Add that to basic common sense and, of course, a sense of decorum, and I can only hope for great things.
COMME DES GARCONS Their S/S 2012 all-white collection was full of bridal possibilities. Who needs a bouquet when you can have a massive bow on your sleeves?
HAIR WOES We do think that Florence Welch can do no wrong, but this hairstyle isn't quite cutting it for us. Bring back the flaming red locks.
NEW BLOOD Kenzo's first collection designed by the Opening Ceremony founders didn't thrill us. However, Chloë Sevigny's appearance made for a grand closing.
SPOT ALERT Our go-to trend of the season has moved on to trousers as well, like this pair from Topshop.
RODOLFO NO MORE Vionnet's creative director Rodolfo Paglialunga is leaving his post. We hope that's not the last we hear of the man who revived the French brand.