You won't see her, but she's there, in the salons, spas and shops, and she's happy to share her secrets on foot scrubs and creams.
I've got itchy feet. And that doesn't mean I've got wanderlust and want to go backpacking.
No, I've just spent a week trying to solve a problem that occasionally occurs after Pilates sessions, playing tennis or a workout at the gym.
My feet looked like a brandy snap (those unappetising biscuits our grannies used to offer us that we were too polite or afraid to decline). And that feels - to quote the great Annie Lennox - just like I'm walking on broken glass.
Chapped or cracked feet can be caused by perspiration, poorly fitting shoes or prolonged periods of standing.
Now, I do look after my feet with regular pedicures. But the last time I went, my lovely Filipino pedicurist Corazon looked at me slightly askance as she diligently attempted to scrub and smooth away the damage.
So this week I have taken matters into my own hands, by trying out an array of foot scrubs and creams designed to make my feet feel as glossy as a Rodin sculpture. Of course, my gran would have thrust my feet into a vat of boiling water, rice and baking soda, but thankfully things have moved on since then.
I'm a great fan of Himalaya Herbals Smoothing Foot Scrub, which contains aloe vera and coconut. By squeezing a fingernail-sized portion of it onto a sponge and rubbing it onto one of my soles in a circular motion, it literally hits the spot.
Scholl has enjoyed a stellar reputation in foot care for generations. Scholl Foot Smooth Shower Scrub uses exfoliating granules blended with jojoba to offer a more delicate treatment. But my favourite is Hollywood Style Revitalizing Foot Scrub. It boasts the abrasive power of a Brillo pad and sweeps away dead skin to reveal a baby-soft layer I didn't know I had. After exfoliating, I rinse, pat my feet dry and treat them to some moisturising cream.
Himalaya Herbals FootCare Cream benefits from anti-bacterial ingredients such as honey and turmeric, and stings a little, but no pain, no gain, as Gran would say.
Eucerin Intensive Foot Cream has a deliciously smooth texture that feels good enough for my face. It glides between my toes and after two minutes I can hardly feel it.
But I get the best of both worlds with Hollywood Style Foot Crack Cream, a durable yet delicate treatment good enough for any movie star. After a week of twice-daily applications, my feet feel smooth, moist, refreshed and hydrated - and they are no longer an embarrassment.
3 of the best
Prep your skin before foundation with these smoothing primers
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Dh135, available at Lancôme counters across the UAE from April 1