Bureaucracy of a different colour

Colin Randall

• Last Updated: April 14. 2009 9:30AM UAE / April 14. 2009 5:30AM GMT

Never again will I complain about layers of bureaucracy to be negotiated on a visit to Etisalat. For I have just spent a fortnight grappling with France Telecom and its subsidiary Orange.

All I wanted was to be able to make calls on the mobile I bought from them two years ago. By the time these words appear in The National, normal service should have been restored. But I am still not sure why it has proved so difficult to persuade a giant of commerce to accept my money, especially when that giant styles itself “the number three mobile operator and the number one provider of broadband internet services in Europe”.

It seemed straightforward when I left France to work in Abu Dhabi. Wishing to keep my French mobile number, I reduced my contract to the minimum tariff. It covered only a handful of calls, but was enough to keep my account ticking over. When the time came to return to Europe, I made a quick call to France to go back to my previous option giving me plenty of credit for all the calls I need to make plus access to e-mails and the internet.

The call, made in the last week of March, went smoothly until the final few seconds, when the assistant announced that my upgrade would take effect from the second week of April. There followed some blustering in that rusty French of mine. It got me nowhere. Pas possible, I was nonchalantly informed, to arrange things sooner.

Never mind. I could always top up my existing account using the automated phone service. Orange assured me as much. Oh no I couldn’t.

There has been only one positive result of repeated attempts to do so. The context may be limited but I am mastering all over again certain French phrases, each signalling failure. “Suite à un problème technique,” the voice blithely informs me, “votre carte bancaire ne peut pas être controlée.” I know most variations of “please try later” by heart.

Basic as the French will seem, the message is hard to grasp. Why cannot any bank cards from Britain, France or the UAE buy mobile phone time when they were perfectly acceptable for last-minute purchases in Abu Dhabi, a laptop in London and petrol on the French motorway?

A weekend in provincial France would surely bring a solution. Is there not an Orange shop in every decent-sized town? Across the square from the magnificent cathedral of Le Mans, I soon found one. The look on the assistant’s face was a model of blankness. Non, monsieur. There was no way I could produce money, credit card or cheque in an Orange shop and pay for the Orange service I required.

When he suggested topping up by phone, I was ready to explode.

One day soon, someone may explain what insurmountable obstacle makes a mockery of another proud boast of the “number three mobile operator” in Europe: “Orange understands that life can be busy. We offer a range of communications services that are designed to make your life easier.”

Come back Etisalat. There was never anything to forgive.


crandall@thenational.ae