Love is now a niche affair

Jesse Wright, Foreign Correspondent

• Last Updated: January 22. 2009 8:30AM UAE / January 22. 2009 4:30AM GMT

OXFORD, MISSISSIPPI // Eight years ago, Said Amin had a plan. He wanted a better job, a chance to be his own boss and, as an Iranian-American, he wanted to meet a girl who shared his background and customs.

He took matters into his own hands and launched IranianPersonals.com. At first it was, literally, a labour of love. But the site soon took off and a year later, in 2001, he found himself with a full-time job and a girlfriend.

He was also changing the online dating scene.

When he started IranianPersonals.com there were few niche sites – those dating sites tailored for specific markets. Today, sites similar to his make up almost half the market, and they are growing.

To a lot of singles, signing up on a general site such as match.com, which boasts 20,000 new members every day, feels akin to walking into a packed singles bar – the options are simply overwhelming.

So more singles are opting for niche sites, which cater to almost every demographic. Lonely farmers may visit www.farmersonly.com while science fiction fans have trekpassions.com, among hundreds of others. But the most popular niche sites target ethnic and religious demographics.

Mark Brooks is the editor of www.onlinepersonalswatch.com and an adviser to some of the biggest matchmaking sites. He said there are about 14,000 such sites currently online and nearly half – 43 per cent – are niche. This is up from 34 per cent in 2006.

Mr Brooks said this is a positive trend.

“If you’re a very devout Christian, then you’d probably want someone who’s also a very devout Christian. So if you were to go on Yahoo personals, you would get a lot of responses from people who weren’t Christian, and that’s a waste of time for both of you,” he said.

Religious and cultural niche sites are particularly popular in immigrant and ethnic communities, who use them to maintain their culture and a sense of place. Like Mr Amin, many immigrants seek partners with a similar background.

Saghar Siami is an Iranian-American. She said before she went online she had dated some non-Iranians whom she met through school and work, but they did not have long-term potential because they did not share her value system.

“I was born in the States and … I’ve endeavoured to inherit what I deem to be the best of both worlds and cultures … My intention behind going to IranianPersonals.com was to find someone of Iranian descent who had adopted a similar value system.”

On IranianPersonals.com she met Mr Amin. Their relationship – and the business – are doing well.

Mr Amin now owns an umbrella company, worldsingles.com, which operates a dozen niche sites including IranianPersonals.com, EligibleGreeks.com, SalaamLove.com, HyeSingles.com (Armenian), AlbanianPersonals.com and ArabLounge.com.

At 500,000 members, ArabLounge has become a leading singles site for Arabs in North America and Mr Amin said he expects to expand.

“Over the years the site has gained traction throughout the world among English-speaking Arabs,” he said. “In the Middle East, the site does particularly well in Lebanon and Saudi Arabia. Within the next few months, we plan to launch ArabLounge.com in several languages.”

Why the popularity of internet dating?

For many men, Mr Brooks said, the internet offers a new solution to that old fear: face-to-face rejection. But he also believes the way people meet online is healthier.

“Even if you’re not rejected you might hook up with someone who’s completely, 100 per cent incompatible,” Mr Brooks said about real world dating. That is, in the real world, even if the initial chemistry is there, important factors – religion, children, smoking – can doom a relationship. “With internet dating chemistry is a little farther down the road.” Barry Ginsberg, a relationship therapist and founder of the Center of Relationship Enhancement, called niche sites “useful and necessary” largely because they allow singles to be choosy.

“I think that the availability of these preferences can improve the chances of finding a meaningful relationship and lifelong partner,” Dr Ginsberg said.

Ms Siami agreed.

“I preferred the internet due to the ability to weed through profiles to get a better feel for someone before actually meeting them … I preferred the comfort of getting to know someone from home on my own time, behind my computer screen.” But Dr Ginsberg did warn that couples might rush into a relationship without getting to know each other first.

“I recommend that people approach this slowly and carefully, so the relationship develops in a meaningful way,” he said.

Then there is travel. Because niche sites tend to have fewer members, Mr Brooks said travel will often be a reality for those serious about meeting someone.

“Probably with niche dating, if the person lives way out in the boonies then they’re going to have to travel, there’re just no two ways about it. One of the key questions for people who use these sites is, ‘Am I prepared to travel?’ ” Mr Brooks said.

It was a question Mr Amin had to answer: “Yes.”

After years of long-distance dating, Mr Amin moved from Washington, DC, to California to be with Ms Siami. Seven years on, Ms Siami and Mr Amin are still together and recently the couple bought a home together.

“Life is good,” Mr Amin said.

Ms Siami agreed. “While there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone in a bar, the people you tend to meet in bars are not there to seriously meet a life partner,” she said.

jwright@thenational.ae