Round Two: Dubai and the Cartoon Lounge meet again

Mishaal Al Gergawi

• Last Updated: August 28. 2008 9:58PM UAE / August 28. 2008 5:58PM GMT

The New Yorker magazine’s regular feature Cartoon Lounge imagined a “conversation” between itself and Dubai in its issue of July 21. In short, CL (the Cartoon Lounge) was of the opinion that Dubai was all about no work, bling, and play. It was a rather one-sided chat, so I was wondering what would be said if the two bumped into each other again…

CL: Yo Dubai, no hard feelings about last time, OK? It was just too good to pass up the opportunity.

Dubai: Not at all, it was good fun.

CL: So what’s up?

Dubai: Not much just got back home.

CL: How come? Where were you?

Dubai: Well things slow down a bit in summer and I took the chance to take a closer look at my private and public equity portfolios.

CL: What do you mean, like a business trip? Don’t you like just hang out all day at your seven-star hotel spending your oil money??

Dubai: Actually, CL, I did mean to tell you last time – I only manage to get to places like that to entertain international business guests and foreign delegates, and oil doesn’t factor much into my budget. But you were on a very entertaining roll and I needed a good story about another misinformed foreigner who has no idea what Dubai is about but thinks he does. We all laughed about it. Thanks dude.

CL: Wait a minute! No oil?

Dubai: We do, but it’s only 80,000 barrels a day.

CL: Isn’t that a lot?

Dubai: Saudi produces 11 million barrels a day, while Kuwait and Abu Dhabi produce approximately 3 million barrels a day each.

CL: Are you serious? So how can you afford to build all these flashy glass towers?

Dubai: Just like you guys did – entrepreneurship.

CL: Get out!

Dubai: I’m not kidding.

CL: But that’s insane, aren’t you part of Abu Dhabi?

Dubai: OK, crash course in Dubai’s history. The United Arab Emirates was formed by seven confederate emirates in 1971, Dubai being one of those emirates. So like you guys, we have a state law and a federal, and equally a state budget and a federal budget.

CL: It is like the United States in that way… but [attempts comeback] you guys still suck with all your biggest and largest projects. When are you gonna put up some hospitals and schools and – like I said last time – what’s wrong with a museum or something?

Dubai: Dude that was the second joke we cracked up on. We got a dedicated zone for health care – incidentally called health care city! DUH – and we’ve got a Knowledge and Human Development Authority that focuses on developing education including an Academic city. Oh, and about the museum bit, we’ve announced three already… wait, let me list them for you so you don’t make a fool of yourself next time you wanna talk about me.
1. The Universal Museum: a collaboration of a number of the top museums from around the world.
2. Mohammed the Messenger Museum: shedding light on the Prophet’s personal life, like how he interacted with his family, friends and business partners.
3. Museum of Middle Eastern Modern Art: do I really need to explain this one to you?
Oh, and because you only said museums I didn’t mention the Opera House and several other performing arts centres.

CL: Whatever man, they’re just buildings. Like who’s gonna go to all of this?

Dubai: Dude, stop digging your hole deeper. Seriously, did you know that the Middle Eastern art movement is largely based out of my city, that I just announced a $10 billion endowment for the arts and sciences, that I’m developing educational institutions and programmes in cooperation with Harvard and Wharton, and that a very large amount of my public paperwork can be done online under a programme called e-government?

CL: I actually didn’t, I must admit that’s quite a bit.

Dubai: You see bro, it’s not that I think you’re being harsh or sarcastic – I don’t mind, in fact it keeps me sharp – but that you judged me without meeting me. Do you know, that for many people in the West, I represent a sustainable model for the region? I’m a true entrepreneur and my doors are open to everyone who wants to come and live peacefully.

CL: I…

Dubai: …didn’t know?

CL: …..

Dubai: CL, why don’t you fly your buddy Matthew Diffee with another journalist and come hang out with me and my buddies? It’ll do you good. Then you can see that though we might not wear suits to the office, we are in the office making our deadlines and closing our deals. But don’t come before October; doubt you can deal with the heat.

CL: I’ll think about it and let you know…

Dubai: Book early cause Emirates’ direct flights from JFK to DXB are usually full… But you don’t need a visa!

Mishaal Al Gergawi is a graduate of the American University in Dubai and the CERAM European School of Business