Living with the curse of -isms

• Last Updated: November 27. 2009 4:24PM UAE / November 27. 2009 12:24PM GMT

Illustration: Serge Bloch / www.marlenaagency.com

The grind of the 21st century throws up obstacles at every turn. Nikolaus Oliver is on hand with advice to guide you through. This week: living with the curse of the -isms.

California. Land of dreams on the far side of the USA. Source of so many strange and frankly unhinged ideas. I sometimes think that California stands in relation to the rest of us rather as Jessica Rabbit did to the live action characters in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Overblown, unreal, yet – puzzlingly – rather fascinating.

The latest Californian contribution to the commonweal is the outlawing of behaviour that makes overweight people feel bad about themselves. From now on a Californian physician who tells patients to diet for the sake of their health is breaking the law. Not only that, s/he will be committing the hate-crime of fatism. And while fatism is a new one to me, in California they were on to it decades ago, founding the NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) in 1969. NAAFA’s message is clear and visionary: “We come in all sizes. Understand it. Support it. Accept it”. (A sort of We Shall Not Be Moved – because we’re too heavy.)

We live in a world dominated by -isms. Let’s look at a few of them. The first one I became aware of as a young man was monetarism. Initially, I was all in favour, thinking that someone had come up with a theoretical underpinning for my extravagant shopping habits. Later, it emerged that I was mistaken, and that the central tenet of the philosophy had to do with macroeconomics, money supply and the notion that bankers should rule the world. Hollow laughter…

Environmentalism teaches that we must have more respect for pandas and icebergs. Nihilism claims that we should respect nothing (in the Coen brothers’ The Big Lebowski, the doctrine is linked to environmentalism via concern about marmots). Feminism asserts that women are as good as men, in fact better, because they can “multi-task” while men can only park cars properly, run multinational corporations and change fuses.

Absolutism: the boss may not always be right, but s/he is always the boss. Classicism: the old ways are best. Modernism: the new ways are best. Post-modernism: the new ways used to be best but now we’re not sure. Eclecticism: believe whatever you like. Experimentalism: suck it and see.

Do -isms help us? Not much. But they reconcile us to the fact that we seem to know almost nothing by making everything as complicated as possible. Like fatties, -isms come in all sizes: understand it. Support it. Accept it. Right on.