Best was good, Ali was best

Robert Philip

• Last Updated: November 08. 2009 8:20PM UAE / November 8. 2009 4:20PM GMT

The greatest mouth in sport: Muhammad Ali is restrained by his handlers after beating Sonny Liston. AP Photo

David Haye certainly did his best to drum up interest among the pay-for-view television audience during the build up to his title fight with Nikolai Valuev in Nuremberg on Saturday, a bout which resulted in him beating the Russian giant on points to become the new WBA world heavyweight champion.

The “diminutive” challenger sought to portray the champion – who stands 7ft and weighed in at almost 23st – as a circus freak, describing Valuev as “the biggest and ugliest human being I’ve ever seen” while questioning his personal hygiene by complaining that the smell of body odour is “almost overpowering”.

Referring to Valuev’s body hair, he also implied he would be taking a lawnmower into the ring.

Tsk, tsk, David, you really must try harder: as verbal blows go, those kind of puerile witterings hardly compare with Groucho Marx’s devastating counter-punch: “I never forget a face but in your case I’m willing to make an exception.”

The ring’s king of the knockout one-liners will forever remain Muhammad Ali, who had a jibe for every occasion.

When boxing writers heaped scorn upon the hopeless and hapless Brian London, who succumbed in the third round at Earl’s Court in 1966, Ali landed the most telling jab of all when he commented: “You have to give him credit – he put up a good fight for one and a half rounds.”

Arriving unannounced at Sonny Liston’s training camp in Miami before their first fight, Ali – then known as Cassius Clay – taunted the scowling ex-jailbird thus: “Why, chump, I bet you scare yourself to death just starin’ in the mirror. You ugly bear! You ain’t never fought nobody but tramps and has-beens. You call yourself a world champion? You’re too old and slow to be champion!”

Ali reserved his best – or worst – for his most bitter rival, Joe Frazier. “Smokin’ Joe is so ugly that when he cries the tears round down the back of his head ... it will be a killer and a chiller and a thriller when I meet the gorilla in Manila ... poor old Joe is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.”

Football icons can also be cut down. Asked for his opinion of David Beckham, the late George Best replied: “He can’t kick with his left foot, he can’t head the ball, he can’t tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that he’s all right.”

The golf course has also been the source of many a withering put-down.

Watching his playing partner, the then US vice-president Spiro T Agnew, hacking his way down the first fairway, the three-times Masters champion Jimmy Demaret offered judgement: “Mr Agnew, I believe you have a slight swing in your flaw.”

Or as the former pro turned TV analyst David Feherty said of Jim Furyk’s idiosyncratic swing: “He looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

Nor are the fair sex reluctant to come out swinging.

“I’m not the next Anna Kournikova,” smiled Maria Sharapova, “I want to win matches.”

While on the subject of women’s tennis, the 1996 Wimbledon champion Richard Krajicek gave his thoughts on the equal pay debate: “Eighty per cent of the top 100 women are fat pigs who don’t deserve equal pay.” He later recanted: “What I meant to say was that only 75 per cent are fat pigs.”

In cricket, such barbs are known as sledging. When the great West Indies batsman, Viv Richards, uncharacteristically played and missed three successive deliveries from Greg Thomas, the Glamorgan bowler could not resist the taunt: “It’s red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering.”

Richards’ comeback line when he smashed the Welshman’s next delivery out of the ground? “Well, Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it.”

rphilip@thenational.ae